BY JHHK
BATTLE FAQ #1 - The Title - The original title of my four-book Amazon warrior series, Hot Naked Battle Lesbians, was changed by me, at the publisher’s ultimatum, to the more “market-friendly” title of Mother Warrior Goddess Queen. In exchange, I got to keep all of the most extreme moments of sex and violence in the text completely uncensored. Despite the compromise, in my balls, I still consider the true title to be Hot Naked Battle Lesbians.
BATTLE FAQ #2 - The Cover - Because the publisher refused to nail a Hot Naked Battle Lesbian on the cover, with epic breasts and arrogant nipples, wearing nothing but a blood-soaked loincloth, with a splintered spear in one hand, and a severed head in the other... Because they showed me nothing but generic, poorly drawn, fantasy covers, I refused to let them put any artwork on the cover at all, which is why the books have stark text on glossy white stock.
BATTLE FAQ #3 - The Movie - Hot Naked Battle Lesbians will become a movie, per the terms of my contract, on the condition that Legendary Pictures, Warner Brothers, the director, and all the actresses commit to the authenticity of having all the Amazon warriors completely topless throughout the entire movie. Tattoos, war-paint, whatever, bare breasts must bounce to war. Second, they have to embrace the lesbian hero, the lesbian love interest, and the explicit lesbian sex. That’s the law. My only other clause is that the movie must be Hard R. Obviously the debate is over money. I say fuck money, but Hollywood cares, and America fears female nipples like the plague of old. I write for the hardcore elite, because that’s what I consume. But without the casual cattle, the book can’t become a movie at a budget that would respect the core. My agent believes one of two things must happen for the stars to align. The book has to sell more than 300K (which should happen soon) which would give Legendary Pictures a position to force the blood and breasts down everyone’s throat. Or, Hollywood has to evolve to the point where it no longer fears going hardcore/big budget. Because if that Spartan movie could have 300 half-naked men in capes and leather panties blood-splattering the silver screen, then this Amazon warrior movie should be able to have 10,000 bare-breasted Hot Naked Battle Lesbians painting the walls of our theaters red.
MWGQIPEDIA
Amazon warriors were actually just Hot Naked Battle Lesbians! who in ancient Greece hacked off people’s heads with axes! and MWGQ is just the greatest story about them ever! about the badassest warrior woman ever! leading an army of the elitest female soldiers ever! on the bloodiest quest of vengeance ever! against the undefeatedest Greek army ever! to slay the most vicious Tyrant-God-King ever! only to culminate with the single awesomest moment! of pure human courage! in all recorded history! ever! Yes, this sweetness rocks that hardcore!
ATHENS IN THE AGE OF TYRANTS
1369 BC
THE SLAVES
INO - The title character of Hot Naked Battle Lesbians, descended from a line of African princesses, lives as a slave in the slums of Athens, during the Age of Tyrants. Haunted by her past, broken by her present, doomed by her future, her humor is as black as her ass. It’s all she has left, other than her mama’s double-bladed battle-axe. Her mama, who died in childbirth, was one of the Amazons’ greatest War Queens. Ino left her tribe, alone, as a child. Her childhood mate has longed for her to reclaim her place as Harbinger of Death. Ino simply wants to raise her children in peace. The gods, it seems, require her to evolve her career as a butcher, to replace her knife with an axe. Provoked by a Tyrant-God-King, who raped and ate her babies raw, for the purpose of igniting a war between the Greeks and the Amazons, for his own political gain... Ino embarks upon a campaign of blood-soaked vengeance to win freedom for her sister slaves. “Kill, drink, fuck, repeat... It’s the soldier’s life for me...” Proficient at her work, she moves up in rank. For her sacrifice, history remembers her titles: Mother Of Four, Warrior Who Bled, Goddess Of War, Queen Of Red.
IMERA - Ino’s teenage daughter, a mischief maker, with epic breasts that drive grown men to madness. She likes to sneak off to perform unspeakable acts.
CHUBBS - Ino’s infant son. He lives to pee.
KURAX - An old black slave, who Ino calls Papa. He enjoys good food, walks on the beach, and domestic violence.
KURO - Kurax’s son, a palace soldier and badass in training, who Ino calls Brother.
TWIG - The neighbor girl who watches Ino bathe. She wants to be an Amazon. She wants to feel glory.
WRINKLES - Kurax’s special lady friend, a dirty old woman, who lives in the great forest because of its great forest scent.
THE GREEKS
DRAKO - Ruler of a little city-state called Athens, a self-proclaimed Tyrant-God-King. The greatest badass the world has ever known. He seeks to conquer the world and shape it in his own image.
MALIK - Drako’s eldest son, a military general. He hates his wife, loves his children, and thinks his country has too many flute-players.
VEGA - Malik’s twin brother, three minutes younger. He doesn't trade slaves for money. He does it for fun, and free-range ass.
STINKBOY - Malik’s son, a soldier in training. At 19, he still wets the bed, and kills small animals to relax.
POLLI - Drako’s top political adviser, an empire builder and fancy-sandals addict.
REPENTINO - High Priest of the citadel, voice of The Gods, his favorite part of the day is making huge black men give him prostate massage.
THE FOUR QUASI-NUDE COURTESANS - Drako’s pet palace whores, and thus the four most powerful women in the city.
ORACLE - Drako’s grandmama, who people call Oracle because she's blind.
TURTLEBOY - Vega’s young son, guardian of the royal turtle. He likes to hump shit.
THE SOLDIERS AND THE WHORES
GIMUNGOUS - A soldier, the city’s favorite athlete, with record-breaking nuts.
PETITE - A soldier, Gimungous’s brother, not quite a midget, not quite a man.
TRIANGLE - A soldier who runs funny.
PICKLEJUICE - The world’s oldest whore, still in great demand.
BEAUTIFUL - The city’s most beautiful whore, imported from Africa. She plans to sleep her way to Queen.
OBESE - Five hundred pounds of sexy.
ANOREXIC - A foreign whore, with advanced techniques.
ELEVEN - The youngest whore in the brothel, who would rather bed nasty old men than live at home.
THE GOTHS
CAROL - Lord of the Goths, Drako’s favorite war ally. When drunk, he can not be defeated in battle.
GUNT - Carol’s son and Ino’s ex-husband. His warrior-woman fetish has almost got him killed 597 times.
THE AMAZONS
LUSION - Ino’s childhood friend and joy toy, the Amazons’ favorite battle champion. She taught Ino how to behead enemies and have multiple orgasms.
QEANW - The current Amazon peace queen, Lusion’s manipulative mama. She likes to castrate anything with balls.
UGIA - A hulking beast of a woman, the current Amazon war queen, Lusion’s wife, and leader of the seven hashshashins.
SEMPH - Considered the sexiest Amazon and the number two hashshashin. She's addicted to kinky sex, and intends to bed Ino, or die trying.
ONE HAND - A hashshashin with one less than two hands. She does the shit work.
THE QUADRUPLETS - The final four hashshashins, identical sisters. Post battle, they get smoked and make out.
RIZA - Battle servant of Qeanw, a stout little woman with blood-red hair and breasts that defy imagination.
BASSA - Riza’s wife, battle servant of Ugia. White sand blond, with legs that go all the way down.
WRAIA - Ino’s secret half-sister. She has a great ass, and she works it. If only she could work an axe...
SIS - Wraia’s sister. She's mute, which drives the ladies wild.
LURA - Lusion’s teenage daughter, peace princess for the babettes. Great with a longbow, she's preparing for her first orgy.
SIX BEAN - Ugia’s daughter, war princess for the babettes. At six years old, she's ready for war, ready to kill men dead.
FRECKLES - Riza’s daughter, battle servant for Lura. She catches butterflies, and keeps them in her pocket.
BB - Bassa’s daughter, battle servant for Six Bean. She performs the rites for the butterfly funerals.
PINKY - Lusion’s infant daughter, an honorary babette, and the pinkest baby in the world.
~
OWN HOT NAKED BATTLE LESBIANS TODAY
AMAZON.COM > JHHK
~
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
THE SLAVES
INO - The title character of Hot Naked Battle Lesbians, descended from a line of African princesses, lives as a slave in the slums of Athens, during the Age of Tyrants. Haunted by her past, broken by her present, doomed by her future, her humor is as black as her ass. It’s all she has left, other than her mama’s double-bladed battle-axe. Her mama, who died in childbirth, was one of the Amazons’ greatest War Queens. Ino left her tribe, alone, as a child. Her childhood mate has longed for her to reclaim her place as Harbinger of Death. Ino simply wants to raise her children in peace. The gods, it seems, require her to evolve her career as a butcher, to replace her knife with an axe. Provoked by a Tyrant-God-King, who raped and ate her babies raw, for the purpose of igniting a war between the Greeks and the Amazons, for his own political gain... Ino embarks upon a campaign of blood-soaked vengeance to win freedom for her sister slaves. “Kill, drink, fuck, repeat... It’s the soldier’s life for me...” Proficient at her work, she moves up in rank. For her sacrifice, history remembers her titles: Mother Of Four, Warrior Who Bled, Goddess Of War, Queen Of Red.
IMERA - Ino’s teenage daughter, a mischief maker, with epic breasts that drive grown men to madness. She likes to sneak off to perform unspeakable acts.
CHUBBS - Ino’s infant son. He lives to pee.
KURAX - An old black slave, who Ino calls Papa. He enjoys good food, walks on the beach, and domestic violence.
KURO - Kurax’s son, a palace soldier and badass in training, who Ino calls Brother.
TWIG - The neighbor girl who watches Ino bathe. She wants to be an Amazon. She wants to feel glory.
WRINKLES - Kurax’s special lady friend, a dirty old woman, who lives in the great forest because of its great forest scent.
THE GREEKS
DRAKO - Ruler of a little city-state called Athens, a self-proclaimed Tyrant-God-King. The greatest badass the world has ever known. He seeks to conquer the world and shape it in his own image.
MALIK - Drako’s eldest son, a military general. He hates his wife, loves his children, and thinks his country has too many flute-players.
VEGA - Malik’s twin brother, three minutes younger. He doesn't trade slaves for money. He does it for fun, and free-range ass.
STINKBOY - Malik’s son, a soldier in training. At 19, he still wets the bed, and kills small animals to relax.
POLLI - Drako’s top political adviser, an empire builder and fancy-sandals addict.
REPENTINO - High Priest of the citadel, voice of The Gods, his favorite part of the day is making huge black men give him prostate massage.
THE FOUR QUASI-NUDE COURTESANS - Drako’s pet palace whores, and thus the four most powerful women in the city.
ORACLE - Drako’s grandmama, who people call Oracle because she's blind.
TURTLEBOY - Vega’s young son, guardian of the royal turtle. He likes to hump shit.
THE SOLDIERS AND THE WHORES
GIMUNGOUS - A soldier, the city’s favorite athlete, with record-breaking nuts.
PETITE - A soldier, Gimungous’s brother, not quite a midget, not quite a man.
TRIANGLE - A soldier who runs funny.
PICKLEJUICE - The world’s oldest whore, still in great demand.
BEAUTIFUL - The city’s most beautiful whore, imported from Africa. She plans to sleep her way to Queen.
OBESE - Five hundred pounds of sexy.
ANOREXIC - A foreign whore, with advanced techniques.
ELEVEN - The youngest whore in the brothel, who would rather bed nasty old men than live at home.
THE GOTHS
CAROL - Lord of the Goths, Drako’s favorite war ally. When drunk, he can not be defeated in battle.
GUNT - Carol’s son and Ino’s ex-husband. His warrior-woman fetish has almost got him killed 597 times.
THE AMAZONS
LUSION - Ino’s childhood friend and joy toy, the Amazons’ favorite battle champion. She taught Ino how to behead enemies and have multiple orgasms.
QEANW - The current Amazon peace queen, Lusion’s manipulative mama. She likes to castrate anything with balls.
UGIA - A hulking beast of a woman, the current Amazon war queen, Lusion’s wife, and leader of the seven hashshashins.
SEMPH - Considered the sexiest Amazon and the number two hashshashin. She's addicted to kinky sex, and intends to bed Ino, or die trying.
ONE HAND - A hashshashin with one less than two hands. She does the shit work.
THE QUADRUPLETS - The final four hashshashins, identical sisters. Post battle, they get smoked and make out.
RIZA - Battle servant of Qeanw, a stout little woman with blood-red hair and breasts that defy imagination.
BASSA - Riza’s wife, battle servant of Ugia. White sand blond, with legs that go all the way down.
WRAIA - Ino’s secret half-sister. She has a great ass, and she works it. If only she could work an axe...
SIS - Wraia’s sister. She's mute, which drives the ladies wild.
LURA - Lusion’s teenage daughter, peace princess for the babettes. Great with a longbow, she's preparing for her first orgy.
SIX BEAN - Ugia’s daughter, war princess for the babettes. At six years old, she's ready for war, ready to kill men dead.
FRECKLES - Riza’s daughter, battle servant for Lura. She catches butterflies, and keeps them in her pocket.
BB - Bassa’s daughter, battle servant for Six Bean. She performs the rites for the butterfly funerals.
PINKY - Lusion’s infant daughter, an honorary babette, and the pinkest baby in the world.
~
OWN HOT NAKED BATTLE LESBIANS TODAY
AMAZON.COM > JHHK
~
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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